For the past year, I’ve been battling with the question of self-love: Do I love myself? What is self love? How does one achieve it? How do you know that you have it if you do?
In fact, this weekend I was out in the woods pondering this very question: What is true self-love? As I began to think about what it means to me, I couldn’t exactly pinpoint how I was not loving myself, yet I knew that I didn’t fully. And so today, I went to a kickboxing class. It was only my second one and I was very nervous. I wanted to get everything right and perform as well as the other students. Throughout the class I kept telling my partner “I’m sorry.” I must have said it about 50 times in the first twenty minutes. With loving eyes my partner just looked at me and said, “Girl, you gotta stop saying that. You don’t have anything to apologize for.” Her word hit me like a seven combination punch. I realized how I have continued to diminish my self-worth, my stances, and my opinions in my life by continuing to say “I’m sorry” for things that I don’t need to apologize for.
I think the act of overly saying sorry is a deep seeded issue that is rooted in our culture and upbringing. Birthed from the idea of original sin, we have subtly and not-so-subtly invested in a Western Culture that believes our very existence is something we ought to apologize for.
For me personally, however, I think this is only one part of the puzzle. Even still, I couldn’t believe how empowering it was to hear that I didn’t need to be sorry. So with every thread of doubt — even when I had to bite my lip– I stopped saying I was sorry. Every time I threw a punch, I let me fist scream for me, “I am not sorry and I have nothing to apologize for!” It was a silent victory and one I am pleased to share. ❤
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”